Rules of Engagement

Cussing is fine. I'm not going to send you to your room for dropping that F-bomb. I'm pretty sure we're all adults here.

Here's what isn't allowed in your old Auntie's house:

*Diet talk. I don't care about your diet. Don't tell me how many pounds you lost on the Keto-Paleo-Jurassic-Cretaceous-Cabbage-Windbreaker diet or whatever fad diet is going around these days. I don't give a pigeons' fart in a category 5 hurricane about your diet.

*Fat shaming and thin praising. No specific body type is better than any other. We've had that crap pumped into our minds since we were born. It's brainwashing and lies with the specific purpose of padding the pockets of the multi-billion dollar diet industry. Stop buying the lie. By the way, if I ever happen to lose weight, it probably means that I'm sick. But whatever the reason, never, and I mean do not EVER, praise said weight loss. I will rip you a new one without a second thought. You may have no idea how much damage weight loss "compliments" can do, but I would suggest avoiding them in this space if you don't want multiple orifices where most people only have one.

*Size shaming of any kind. No "lay off the cheeseburgers, Land Whale." (I'm interested in seeing a land whale, by the way. I imagine they are fascinating creatures.) No "real women have curves." Real women have all sorts of shapes. No "eat a sandwich, Skinny." Some of the skinniest people have the biggest appetites and they may not be in the mood for another damn sandwich. Here's the thing. You can't tell what a person eats, how much they exercise, whether they may have an eating disorder, or what health conditions they may have by the size of their body. Your judgment of others' bodies is not welcome here.

*Concern trolling. "But I'm just concerned about your HEALTH, Aunt Cie." Yes, so am I. This is why I go to my doctor every three months to make sure that the medications I'm taking to make up for the fact that my endocrine system burned up in a trash fire are working properly. The numbers I care about are blood pressure, A1C, TSH, T3, T4, and free cortisol. The number I give absolutely no flying figs about is the one on the scale, because obsessing on that one consumed 33 years of my life and nearly killed me. I only get on the scale if I am going under anesthesia or if it is necessary to determine a medication dosage. Otherwise, I stay off that damn thing. Anyway, you weren't really concerned about my health. You were "concerned" about the fact that I am far from fashionably lean. Please take your "concern" for a long walk off a short pier.

Generally speaking, just don't be an ass. It's really not that hard.

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