Thursday, February 7, 2019

Cie's Food Reviews: Cheap and Delicious vs. Meringue Hockey Puck

This is a Jimmy Dean English Muffin breakfast sandwich. It comes in two varieties: bacon or sausage. The taste is comparable with an Egg McMuffin. These sandwiches may not meet any sort of highbrow standard of perfect food, but if you add a glass of your favorite juice and a side of seasoned potatoes, you'll have a reasonably nutritionally complete meal.

This ghastly item is a Jimmy Dean English Muffin breakfast sandwich defiled by the presence of a disgusting and flavorless meringue hockey puck. I grabbed one without reading the box completely, thinking that the egg portion was, you know, an actual scrambled egg rather than a meringue hockey puck. I put an extra slice of American cheese on the sucker to make it palatable.

A number of years ago, some marketing jackwagons decided that they needed to sell more egg whites, so the idea that ZOMG, TEH EGG YOLKS WILL STRAIGHT UP MURDERIZE YOU WITH THEIR CHOLESTEROL CONTAININGNESS AND THEY TOTALLY HAVE CALORIES TOO WHICH WILL END UP AS A MOLECULE OF FAT ON YOUR ASS was birthed into the world.
If you care about calories (fortunately, I no longer give any fucks about them, which is a relief after all the years I spent counting them to no avail because diets don't work) or if you're just curious, the average egg contains 70 calories.
The egg yolk is where all the protein and flavor is. Unless you're making meringue or a white cake, egg whites are just the hold things together part of the egg. Note that in a white cake, the egg white is mixed in with the other yummy ingredients, and in meringue, it is sweetened, fluffed up, and toasted. Without something added to give it some flavor, egg white is just straight-up nasty, and I would be happy enough if the geniuses who came up with the abomination that is an egg white "omelet" spent an eternity in hell having to eat nothing but the meringue hockey pucks which one finds in the Jimmy Dean "Lite" breakfast sandwiches.
"Lite" food is a lie anyway. When food manufacturers remove fat from food, they often have to add more sugar or salt to give the food flavor. I can remember the low fat craze of the 1980s. Foods like avocados were demonized. Avocados, for fuck's sake! Avocados are tasty, satisfying, and loaded with nutrients. Thinking about it makes me want to eat an avocado right now. Or maybe an actual omelet with cheese and veggies topped with avocados. 
I hate myself right now for making myself hungry for something I don't have the ingredients or money for!
Regarding the cholesterol scare tactic, the type of cholesterol contained in foods like eggs is not the type of cholesterol that is a cause for concern. There is a condition known as familial hypercholesterolemia. In brief, this genetic mutation causes a person's own body to produce too much cholesterol and not utilize cholesterol properly. 
Certain endocrine conditions such as diabetes can also promote the elevation of blood cholesterol. Controlling one's blood glucose levels tends to help in lowering the "bad" cholesterol. In my own case, my cholesterol levels are actually quite good (despite my hedonistic, egg-yolk-eating ways), but my triglyceride levels remain elevated despite adding Novolog to my treatment plan, so I started taking a triglyceride-lowering medication. Ceasing consumption of egg yolks would have had little to no impact on my lipid panel.
In any case, trans fats, which occur at low levels in nature but high levels in processed vegetable oil products such as margarine, are the fats which have been shown to be problematic. Using non-hydrogenated oils in cooking is a sound idea. 
The TL:DR takeaway from this post:
Meringue hockey pucks suck. Eat the whole egg. That's where the flavor is. Also, don't buy into VFHT (vague future health threat) scare tactics. The only ones who benefit from those are Big Food and their advertisers.



  1. The first one is definitely a better choice.

    1. Totally! The first one tastes like a normal breakfast sandwich. The second one tastes like cardboard with a slice of cheese on an English muffin. Actually, I think the cardboard would taste better.


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