Friday, November 8, 2019

Friday Flashback: Why I Wouldn't take a Cure for my Bipolar Disorder


ORIGINALLY POSTED 8 NOVEMBER 2018

Note for those who are sensitive about profanity:
This post contains it.
It is also snarky.
So is the a-hole who wrote it.
Just sayin'.

Now, here is something that will blow y'all's minds.

If there were a cure for bipolar disorder, I wouldn't take it.

I know a lot of folks are saying "but why wouldn't you want to fix this thing that is wrong with you?"

First, you may have heard about people who have had procedures done to restore their sight or hearing after years of being blind or deaf, and they have trouble adapting to the world with this new sense. They have learned to "hear" by feeling vibrations, or to "see" by touch and sound. The new sense throws their perception off.

I would not know how to think and feel without bipolar disorder. I would have a lot of trouble adapting. I might even become suicidal.

Further, I have come to believe that this anomaly doesn't make me "wrong." It makes me different. The world is too quick to deem difference in cognition or physical ability a bad thing which needs to be repaired. I think it would be a better world if we embraced people who deviate from the norm rather than shaming them into conformity or isolation.

Would I take a cure for my endocrine problems?

In a heartbeat! I would love to not have to stab myself in the abdomen with a needle before every meal. I would love to not have to worry about whether I will one day develop diabetic neuropathy or start losing my vision because of diabetes. I would love to not have increased risk of vascular malfunction because of this dumb disease. I would love to have a thyroid that actually works. I would rather not have had polycystic ovarian syndrome. My endocrine system is a cluster fuck. If someone could cure this mess, I would be thrilled.

If someone could cure my glaucoma, I would be over the moon.

I don't want my bipolar disorder cured. I have navigated the world with it for pretty much my entire life. To completely change the way my brain works would be frightening and, I think, detrimental.

But if someone could start working on cures for my physical ailments, I'd really appreciate it.

 ~The Cheese Hath Grated It~




Sunday, November 3, 2019

Ornery Reviews: Happy Healing and a Testimony



Genre:
Nonfiction/Health/Alternative Medicine

Rating:
Four out of Four Stars for Online Book Club

Disclosure:
I received a free copy of this book for review purposes.
If readers purchase a copy of the book through the above preview link, I earn a small commission from Amazon.


As I explain in my Online Book Club review, this book does not fall into the category of mysticism or metaphysics. Although the author occasionally suggests what might be interpreted as prayer, the techniques outlined in Happy Healing are self-hypnosis. Self-hypnosis is not a new treatment, but the approaches offered in the book are novel.

In my review, I offer a story of how the techniques in Happy Healing helped me come to peace with the injury which led to my being unable to continue working at my job delivering groceries and alcoholic beverages.

Two years ago, I worked for a company called GoPuff, which is a subsidiary of GrubHub. I advise that no-one work for any subsidiary of GrubHub because they do not care one iota about the well-being of either their employees or their contractors. They never had enough drivers on the schedule on weekend nights. They would have four managers in the warehouse. Three of the managers would switch over to driving, leaving one manager running around like a chicken with her head cut off. I have nothing bad to say about any of the onsite managers. They worked very hard. GrubHub, however, gets no love from me.

I started feeling tingling in my left hand, which I ignored. I was carrying very heavy loads, sometimes over distances of several blocks because the deliveries were often in the middle of downtown Denver and there was no place to park, sometimes up several flights of stairs in buildings where there were no elevators. One time I almost fell through a porch that had rotting wood. Many times, the stoners who would order from us wouldn't answer the door. After pounding on the door for several minutes, I would call the warehouse and the manager would call the customer. There were times when the manager couldn't reach the customer either. I liked those customers better than the ones who would cuss me out because the delivery was made several hours after they ordered it and GrubHub customer service couldn't be bothered to call and tell them it was going to be late.

There was no interim "this is getting worse" with my arm. It went from numbness and tingling in my hand to unbearable pain from shoulder to fingertips. At that point, I had no insurance. I had to quit working so I could get Medicaid back. I couldn't sit up for more than about 45 minutes before the pain in the arm became unbearable and I had to lie down on it to numb it. I have lived most of my life with chronic widespread low-grade to mid-grade pain due to fibromyalgia. Chronic severe pain is a different animal entirely. There were times when I very seriously considered suicide because the pain was so intense. I forced myself to wait until I had Medicaid so I could get physical therapy.

Although I was already sympathetic, I came to a personal realization of exactly how people in chronic pain become addicted to painkillers. When you are in chronic intense pain, the thing you want most is for the pain to stop, and you will do anything to achieve that. If you have never endured intense pain, imagine that someone was whacking your arm repeatedly with a hammer--hard. That's what chronic intense pain is like. Sufferers of chronic intense pain just want relief. How anyone can fail to understand that very simple idea is beyond me. Sanctimoniousness never helped anyone.

Back to my story. The physical therapy helped greatly. My arm went from being in constant severe pain to constant mid-grade pain with flares of severe pain to constant low-grade pain with flares of mid-grade pain to feeling like a lump of clay with flares of low-grade to mid-grade pain. Unfortunately, Medicaid only pays for twelve sessions of physical therapy per injury, so that was where things leveled out, and I was very grateful. Over time, the arm regained enough sensation that it no longer feels like a lump of clay. It is always slightly numb and I do not have a full range of motion in the shoulder area, but it is a vast improvement over being in constant intense pain which makes me consider suicide.

One of the exercises presented in Happy Healing involves giving the body part in pain a name and "talking" to that part. I named my arm Amelia. As I talked to Amelia, I realized that I was still angry with her for betraying me and making it so that I couldn't work physically demanding jobs such as delivering packages anymore. I also realized that Amelia had been trying to warn me that something was going wrong, and I ignored her to my detriment. I apologized to Amelia for blaming her for what happened and promised to listen to her (and the rest of my body) in the future.

As a result of reading and engaging in the exercises outlined in Happy Healing, I have a truce with my body and am no longer as prone to pushing myself to the point of collapse or injury. I appreciate this book and think that it was useful and helpful. The author's approach may seem a bit "goofy" to the more skeptical sorts, but I recommend trying the exercises. I didn't really think I'd get much from them when I started reading the book, but they turned out to be surprisingly beneficial.

~Cie the Ornery Old Lady~



Free Use Image from Pixabay

Monday, October 28, 2019

Ornery Reviews: Serendipity Mystery: Diary of a Snoopy Cat



Genre: Animals, Mystery (Middle-Grade)

Rating: Four out of Four Stars for the Online Book Club
Five out of Five stars on Amazon

Disclosure:
I received a free copy of this book for review purposes.
If readers purchase the book through the above link, I receive a small commission from Amazon.
This review is a duplicate of my review on Amazon.

Read my official Online Book Club review for this book here.

Although this wonderfully imaginative story is especially excellent for young girls with its self-reliant and plucky feline heroine, it is also a fun tale for any mystery lover, young or old, boy or girl. This decidedly not-young reader (age 54) received a review copy and was delighted by the antics of Inca. This determined little Siberian cat leads readers through an educational adventure as she solves the mystery of a sword stolen from the Colombo museum in Sri Lanka.

For an adult reader, it was nice to be able to focus on the aspects of intrigue and suspense without having to worry about overt violence cropping up. Besides, it's hard not to smile about a mystery-solving cat.

~Cie AKA The Ornery Old Lady~


Free use image from Pixabay




Ghost Town Grover Sez:
"I tried to tell Cactus Clem that the Old Lady's cats would jest use him fer a scratchin' post, but he insisted on readin' 'em this story anyways."


Cactus Clem Sez:
Heck, Grover, I don't mind. I've got a tough hide, and I reckoned that maybe if them cats heard this here story about a cat that solves mysteries, it might inspire 'em to make their own detective agency and earn some money to pay fer their tuna fish an' stuff.






Friday, October 25, 2019

Haiku My Heart + OctPoWriMo 2019: Day 25: White: A Senryu

Image by David Mark from Pixabay

why do some wish to
stain the white snow red with blood
to steal the white fur?

~Sly~

image copyright juliahenze @123rf.com
Cie's activist alter-ego Sly Fawkes has been on a tear the past couple of days.



Friday Flashback Repost: A Love Letter to E.A.




NOTE AND DISCLOSURE:
This was originally posted at Aunt Cie's Attic (formerly Deliver Me) on October 25, 2018.
I have since become too disabled to work outside the home. I currently work entirely from home blogging and freelancing. My primary source of income comes from book reviews.

The majority of my book review income is from paid work via professional review sites such as Online Book Club. A small portion comes from commissions made via Amazon affiliate links to books I have reviewed. I do not and will never charge a fee to an independent author for a review. The only payment I ask from an independent author is a link back to my review if they like it, and permission for me to provide an affiliate link to their book on Amazon if it is available on Amazon.

If you are interested in having me review your book or provide beta reader or proofreading/editing services, click here. Payment for my beta reader services is a link on your site or in a post to my services page if you think I've done a good job and permission for me to provide an affiliate link to your book on Amazon if it is made available via Amazon.

And now, on with the REpost!

This comment that I left on the Sims Freeplay Facebook page is "under review." I am sure it will never see the light of day there, but that doesn't mean I won't publish it elsewhere.

Not allowing players to finish collecting the items they were crafting when a quest ends is a serious dick move. Surely it isn't a cash grab at all to instead offer the chance to pay ludicrous amounts of money to complete the project without even allowing players to finish collecting the items they were crafting at the end.

This sort of thing is predatory at best. I guarantee that there are not a ton of millionaires playing games like this. A lot of faithful players are disabled and don't have money to spare.

For my own part, I have been sick with a severe respiratory infection this past week. I finally fell asleep at dawn after being up all night coughing. I left my Sims working on one last set of crafts.

When I woke up and sat there coughing up yellow crap for about 10 minutes, I then injected my insulin and went to collect the final items. Lo and behold, I was not allowed to do that. But there was this very generous and not at all predatory offer to finish the quest for the low price of $70.

I don't have $70 just lying about, and neither do many of your faithful players.

I am not so disabled that I can't work at all, but have severe enough health problems that I can only work part time and am on Medicaid.

I am probably stupid for continuing to play this game, but I love the characters and the interaction with them helps distract me from my deteriorating health.

Shame on EA for their predatory practices.

~Cie~

Thursday, October 24, 2019

Real Cie Reviews: Of Illusions and Ink Spills



Genre:
Poetry

Rating:
Four out of Four stars for Online Book Club
Five out of Five Stars for Amazon

Disclosure:
I received a free copy of this book for review purposes.
If readers purchase a copy of the book through the link provided, I receive a small commission from Amazon.
This review is a duplicate of my review on Amazon.

You can read my exclusive review of this book for the Online Book Club here.

If you like your poetry untamed and not afraid to wander off the beaten path, then Divya Hirani's short volume of playful, avant-garde verse is the book for you.

These free-verse poems explore a myriad of ideas in an almost laid-back fashion. Some might call the tone of the poetry depressive. These works are actually closer to grungy, viewing the world through a realist's somewhat jaded but not ready to give up lenses. If these poems were characters, they would be introspective loners walking resolutely through the shadow of life with a low spark of humor twinkling in their eyes as they took in the sometimes absurd scenes around them.

~Cie~



Free use image from Pixabay

Monday, October 7, 2019

Real Cie Reviews + Hearth and Soul Link Party + Inspire Me Monday #246 + Promote Yourself Monday: Burn Zones



Genre:
Autobiography
(Subtopics: entrepreneurship)

Rating: 
Four out of Four stars at Online Book Club
Five out of Five stars on Amazon

Disclosure:
I received a free copy of this book for review purposes.
If you purchase a copy of the book through the above link, I will earn a small commission.


As a book reviewer, it makes me very happy when I can enthusiastically recommend a book.

Jorge Newberry's Burn Zones makes me very happy. 

Not only is this fascinating autobiography extremely well-written, through its pages I discovered a kind soul who truly cares about others. 

Jorge is the sort of person that this world needs more of. 

He takes it upon himself to understand the mindset of the people he encounters and to show compassion to those that society at large tends to judge harshly.

Like most power players, Jorge has an intense personality. But he understands that not everyone is wired the way he is. He is also uncompromising in his approach to himself, describing not only his strengths but his potential shortcomings.

Jorge Newberry has a humble, honest, personable style. I thoroughly enjoyed reading Burn Zones and recommend it without reservation. If you enjoy real-life stories and appreciate those who think of others before themselves, I believe that Burn Zones is a great choice for your next read.

~Cie~






Thursday, October 3, 2019

OctPoWriMo 2019: Day 3: Aunt Cie's Soapbox: Leave My Old Womb Alone (Choka)

Image by Solarus from Pixabay

lay off my old womb
I am not a candidate
for new motherhood
I can no longer achieve
reproduction, no
but it would not bring me joy
to endure the pain
of removing my old womb
it is my life choice
to keep my organs intact
despite a slightly
elevated chance that I
develop cancer
somewhere well on down the line
any womb is not
only worth saving when it
is available
to serve as incubator



~Cie~


Note:
The poem references the incidents of 2018 when my life continued revolving around my uterus despite the fact that the painful periods I had endured for 40 years had come to an end. In April of 2017, and again in April of 2018, I experienced post-menopausal bleeding, and in June of 2018, I underwent a D&C to determine the nature of the endometrial cells.
Had the cells been abnormal or the endometrial hyperplasia complex, this would have elevated my risk of future endometrial cancer by 36%, in which case I would have opted for a hysterectomy.
My cells were normal and it was simple hyperplasia. This only increases the risk of endometrial cancer by 1.6%. In the end, I felt that the risks posed by undergoing a hysterectomy, which is a major surgery no matter how casual a spin doctors try to put on it, were greater than opting for a wait and see approach. 
Post-menopausal endometrial hyperplasia can occur for a variety of reasons. It is more common in Caucasian women, in women over fifty, in women with a larger body type, and in diabetic women. I am a large Caucasian woman over fifty with a large body type who has diabetes. As it turned out, I also had a number of small fibroids in my uterus which were probably irritating the endometrium and causing it to overgrow.
My primary care physician wanted me to have a hysterectomy.
My OB/GYN wanted me to have a hysterectomy.
The gynecologic oncologist whom I consulted wanted me to have a hysterectomy.
This despite the fact that all of them quoted a very low increased likelihood of the type of hyperplasia I was experiencing ever developing into cancer.
I had one of those obnoxious trans-vaginal ultrasounds in February of this year which showed that the endometrial lining was still slightly thicker than normal but had greatly reduced in size and was within the perimeters of acceptable. I did not experience bleeding in April of this year. My OB/GYN wanted to do another D&C, but I said no. There was no presenting reason to undergo a procedure that leaves me feeling like someone has been up in my business with a cheese grater.
I consulted with a radiologist who specializes in a procedure called uterine artery embolization, which utilizes tiny radioactive grains to block the uterine arteries and cut off the blood supply to the fibroids so they shrink and cease to cause trouble. As opposed to a hysterectomy, which is a major surgery, this is a minimally invasive approach. The doctor told me I was not a candidate for the procedure because fibroids will shrink on their own after menopause, but she agreed with me that since I had not experienced post-menopausal bleeding this year, the endometrial thickness is within acceptable boundaries, and my hyperplasia is the low-risk variety for future development of cancer, a wait and see approach makes sense in my case. She discussed this with my OB/GYN and the gynecologic oncologist, and they agreed with her.
During The Year Of Focusing Way Too Much On My Uterus, I learned just how quick doctors are to recommend a hysterectomy to post-menopausal women. If a woman can no longer serve as a baby factory, let's just yank the old plumbing out, risks be damned. The fact is, major surgery is always risky although sometimes the risks of surgery are necessary. It is also a fact that the female reproductive system provides benefits to its owner even after menopause and unless it is malfunctioning in a way that makes life unacceptably uncomfortable or poses risks to a woman's health, it's best to leave it alone.
Uterus: it's not just for incubating infants. 
That's been Aunt Cie's Soapbox, Ladies! Hysterectomy is sometimes necessary, but it tends to be overprescribed, particularly in post-menopausal women.

Friday, September 27, 2019

Fat Friday #15 + Ornery Reviews: How To Define Yourself by Chuck Clifton

Yet Another Unoriginal Positive Thinking Tome Complete With Fat-Shaming Icing on the Unpalatable Cake

Rating: One out of Four Stars

Disclosure: I received a free copy of this book for review purposes


Main positive takeaway:
This book is brief. This means that you can get angry quickly. The more quickly you get angry, the sooner you can recover from being angry and focus on better things.

Main negative takeaway:
Pretty much everything about this book. It started out as a generic "Positive Thinking" tome and devolved into a body-shaming mess complete with a picture of a Headless Fatty wearing a shirt several sizes too small, a fat guy who apparently does not own any dish towels so he licks his plate to clean it, and the erroneous and asinine assumption that All Fat People Are Fat Because They Are Always Stuffing Their Fat Faces With Bad Food. Never mind that many larger people are food insecure or that there are big people who do EVERYTHING RIGHT and somehow are still fat, or that there are thin people who eat All The Wrong Stuff and lots of it and yet are still thin. 


I do not recommend this book to anyone, so I am not providing a link to it.

It isn't often that I find a book I hate so much that I give it a one-star review. This book is one of two that I've reviewed this year which earns that dubious distinction.

~Cie the Ornery Old Lady~

I recommend this book instead. It is the last diet book you will ever need.

Wednesday, September 4, 2019

Insecure Writers' Support Group 4 September 2019


September question: If you could pick one place in the world to sit and write your next story, where would it be and why? 

This is the place, Boys and Girls. The big items are going there Friday. Technically, the place is owned by my son's father. He bought it with inheritance money. It cost $90,000 and yes, it's a real fixer-upper. It's also 4500 square feet of Unique, and it was our last chance to stay in Colorado. Denver and Boulder are way too expensive. 

Grover is a literal ghost town in the tri-state area (Colorado, Nebraska, Wyoming.)

It's way out on the Lone Prairie.

It is the first place that I feel like I'll be able to call home. For my entire life, I've felt like my house was built on quicksand. This place feels like I belong, although, technically it's not mine. I'll have a space for me, and I feel sort of useful even though I am rather disabled at this point. I can still drive and will be as helpful as I can in every way I can.

Also, I've got my new pals Ghost Town Grover and Cactus Clem to help me along the way. 

Other than the old Grover Hotel, my Death Cheese Road Manager alter-ego Cie Cheesemeister would do her writing in her suite at Rock Ranch, in her suite aboard the revamped Sulaco, or on her private mess of a spacecraft, the Titanity.

You don't want to take a ride on the Titanity. Trust me on this.

~Cie~




Don't forget to visit and bookmark the Good Stuff from Grover website! Grover is busy stocking his Ghostly General Store, and I (the Ornery Old Lady) am trying to get the bookstore and library up to snuff. If you purchase anything through one of our Amazon links, I get a modest commission, which helps pay for things like illustrations for my forthcoming book, Ed's Red Wheelbarrow, or toward renovations on the Grover Hotel!


Monday, September 2, 2019

About Cie Monday + Inspire Me Monday #241+ Promote Yourself Monday + Carpe Diem Acts of Devotion 2019: Adam's Peak


I can only dream
of walking up Adam's Peak
body compromised

~Cie~


Notes:
Once we are fully moved into our new home, I would like to begin practicing remote viewing again. I will also be taking daily walks to the park and hope to increase my endurance enough to be able to walk from one end of the main street to the other. Grover is a very small town, so I don't want you-all thinking: "Wow, Cie, impressive goal walking twenty miles!" 
I would also like to rehabilitate myself to the point where I can walk up a set of stairs without having to pull myself up using the banister or to lean against an opposite wall to support myself. However, one thing I need to avoid is making this a shame-based goal, i.e. calling myself a loser because I need to support myself to climb stairs. We are taught from the time we are very young that it is shameful to be in a lesser state of physical ability than a competition class athlete, and I'm not being particularly hyperbolic when I say this. It's horrible.
Your physical abilities and disabilities are not a marker of success or worthiness. They are simply conditions that exist.
With physical therapy, I was able to bring my left arm back to a state of functionality where I'm not in constant debilitating pain. I still don't have the full range of motion in the arm. I am not a better person for having an arm that functions reasonably well than I was when I had an arm that I could barely use, and having an arm that was fully functional and had normal sensations would not make me a better person than I am now.
Physical ability is not a hallmark of greater worth, and physical disability is not something that people should be punished for.


Visit us at www.goodstufffromgrover.com. We're nearly there! The moving truck comes Friday!



Sunday, September 1, 2019

The Crazy Cheerleading Camp's Come as You Are Party: Hoarding Hurts

Image by Frank Winkler from Pixabay

This is one of those "it doesn't get any realer than this" posts, and I will tell you right now that this wound is one of those that may be healing around the edges but it isn't closed. It's still raw, and any unsympathetic or hateful bullshit will either be outright deleted or the sanctimonious sack of crap saying it will be ripped a new asshole. Choose your words carefully, and if you feel the need to be judgy, ask yourself what exactly you're getting from being that way.

I have had a problem my entire life: a problem which I was pretty well forced to keep secret, which meant that rather than being dealt with, it festered and grew out of control. Shit shows like "Hoarders" sure as hell didn't help, they just created a forum for people who don't understand the problem to say crap like: "I'm going to watch "Hoarders" now. At least my house isn't that messy--LOL!"

My thought regarding "Hoarders" has always been:
"And next up, just look at what those whacky Schizophrenics are doing this week! Woo-hoo! It's so great to look down our noses at people with mental health problems, isn't it, Folks?"

Hoarding is a subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder (which I have in other forms as well). It is not a sign of "laziness." Having hoarding disorder is exhausting. People with hoarding disorder try to clean and get rid of things but crippling, obsessive thoughts take over. Medication helps some people, but others (myself included) can't tolerate the side effects of medication.

Finally, with sympathetic help from my son, we got rid of a storage unit which was costing us close to $400 per month. We did move some of the items to a smaller, cheaper storage unit. We still have a dilapidated mobile home full of items to go through. In packing for our move, we have gotten rid of a lot of trash, but there are some cases where we boxed things to deal with when we are in our new, more stable environment.

The "normal" people in my life never helped me with this problem. Instead, they shamed me for being "lazy," came into my home and threw things out willy-nilly, which traumatized me, and then commanded me to "never let this happen again." It took a young autistic man (my son) to help me start getting an actual grip on a very serious problem. My son is a planner, and he has helped me develop a realistic plan. Together, we are getting through this.

 I was having a panic attack this morning looking at the haphazard shelf and pile of junk in front of me. My son and I worked on it together. We ended up with many bags full of garbage and recycling. There are some boxes which contain stuff which people who don't struggle with this crap condition would have been able to dispense with without a qualm, but they are coming with us to be dealt with in the new place.

One constant in my adult life is always feeling that my house was built on quicksand. Everything was always temporary. I would hope for new situations to work out, and they inevitably fell apart. I did not know until I was almost 40 years old the magnitude or nuances of the neuro-psychological anomalies I was dealing with. I often wonder what could have been if I had been treated with compassion instead of disdain and if I had learned coping skills at a younger age.


Before you judge, educate yourself.
Now you know a little more than you did before about a person who doesn't quite fit into a world with very rigid rules for "rightness."

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~


Saturday, August 31, 2019

Fearless Thinking, Stress-Free Living Exercises: An Experiment



Disclosure: I received a free copy of this book for review purposes.

I am currently reading the above book as a member of the Online Book Club review team and have decided to take part in some of the exercises and see if I find them helpful. I already like the book well enough that I feel confident in recommending that you preview it and see if you might benefit from it as well.

I have decided to participate in the first recommended exercise, which involves recording one's thoughts for a minute four times a day. I can't promise that I'll do this four times a day, but I can commit to doing it daily. I will sometimes share these thoughts.

This is not a writing exercise. It is not meant to be edited. It is a means of determining where the mind is currently focused. Here is my first entry.

Unedited thoughts, one minute
08/29/2019 16:12

The bandage on my finger is making me feel crazy.
Will this stupid wart dissolve?
My ankle hurts, my right foot hurts. 
It feels like there is something sticky on my fingers.
Will things be all right after we move?
Will we actually start eating better?
Why the hell can't I just finish packing? What's stopping me?
I'm worried about the move.

I'm not going to try to analyze this very much. Lots of worry and trepidation is the theme of the moment, and I can't say I'm surprised.

~Cie~

Monday, August 19, 2019

Changes are Coming--Get Ready!


Hello, Delivered People!

As you can see by the dates, I was having trouble deciding what I was going to do with this blog and whether I was going to keep it at all.

When I first started the blog, I was working with Indeed Crowd to spread the word about healthcare jobs. Indeed Crowd folded. At that point, I had just started delivering food and was involved with a number of survey programs. I'm still involved with some of them, but just how much can you talk about that?

I started participating in blog hops and found that many of the blogs out there are fashion-oriented. Well, I am hardly what people think of when they think of a model, so I found it a bit discouraging. Plus, I had moved most of my posts about food and the like over to my Good Stuff From Grover blog, so this blog no longer seemed to have any purpose.

You can ask anyone who knows me, I'm not one to throw things out. I had a year until the next payment for this domain was coming due, so I figured I could sit on the blog till then, and if any inspiration leaped to mind, I've got a site right here ready for repurposing.

It came to me, like a flash, like a vision.

The thing that bothered me about the fashion blogs was not the fact that they were about fashion, although I'm something of the anti-fashion chick because of having very little money, being old and tired, and not being conventionally attractive or anywhere near the same zip code as thin.

The thing that bothered me about the fashion blogs was that so many of them were focused on being thin and conventionally attractive and physically fit in a certain way rather than being a blog for Everywoman. So, I decided that once I am settled in my new home, I'm going to repurpose this blog as a fashion blog for Everywoman.

Granted, since I am a large person, many of the posts will be about finding cool things to wear as a big gal. None of these posts will be about trying to make myself look thinner or about hiding my various rolls and bumps. I don't believe in stuffing myself into undergarments which make me feel like I'm a sausage or in stupid claims such as "tummy tamer" or "hip hider." Let's face it, when your build is Whole Lotta Rosie rather than Skinny Minnie, you ain't gonna be able to hide them hips, Child, and I say, if you've got it, flaunt it. Also, the only way my "tummy" ever needs to be "tamed" is if it's malfunctioning in some way, i.e. heartburn. I've got Zantac for that.

I did not come to this point of self-acceptance with being a large person in a society which loathes large people overnight. Far from it. I have a history of eating disorders starting when I was twelve years old and became bulimic because I was devastated that my developing hips were too wide to continue wearing my (child's) size nine jeans. I thought of myself as disgustingly fat.

There are a couple of problems with this way of thinking, and neither of them is on me or any other girl who has been pushed to think this way.

First, I was, at that point, wearing a ladies' size one pants. I weighed about 105 pounds and stood about five foot three.

Second, it doesn't matter what I weighed. No-one should ever be pushed to think that their body is bad or wrong. No-one. Not ever.

I did the Disordered Eating Dance and the Yo-Yo-Dieting Dance for the next 33 years. Admissibly, ED still rears his ugly head sometimes, but I will never again dance the Yo-Yo Dieting Dance. It's a bad tune and it never did me a damn bit of good. Truth be told, I had to stop dieting so I wouldn't gain more weight.

Here is what happens with dieting in most cases.

The dieter loses weight the first few times they diet. After a point, particularly if the dieter has endocrine issues, i.e. hypothyroidism or PCOS, the dieter stops losing weight. It doesn't matter if they only eat 500 calories a day. They will still not lose weight. Diets don't work long-term for more than approximately five percent of the population, but don't take my word for it. Check out these sites for the scientific facts.


In any case, I'm planning to turn this into my own fashion and fitness/health blog, because fashion isn't only for the slim, wealthy and conventionally attractive, and fitness and health are not only for those who can approximate the fitness levels of elite athletes.

I'm not big on rules, but, unfortunately, since fat hate is normalized and even encouraged, there are a few I will have to enforce.

1) No concern trolling. Not ever. I don't care how "concerned" for someone's "health" you are. Let's face it, your "concern" is not about their "health" in the first place. Go be "concerned" in your own space. Your "concern" is not welcome here.

2) I shouldn't have to say this, but there will be absolutely, positively, no size shaming allowed. To reiterate what I just said from a slightly different angle, no fat-shaming, and, on the flip side of the coin, no thin praising. Thin shaming is not welcome either. Don't size shame, mmmkay?

3) No diet talk. Not ever. I don't give a flying monkey's butt about your diet. 

4) No weight talk. People gain and lose weight for a variety of reasons. It's none of anyone else's business.

5) Fuck "flattering." Flattering is code for "it makes you look thinner." Around here, "flattering" doesn't fly.

6) What it says at the top of this post. All women are real, and all bodies are good bodies. Learn it. Live it. Love it.

I hope to have some fabulous fatshion to model for y'all in the not too distant future. Please keep in mind that I am not a model, although I have done some modeling in the past. Butt nekkid, for art classes, and no, I was not young, thin, or pretty at the time. I'm not going to be doing any butt nekkid modeling here, though. All pictures will be of the clothed variety.

In the meantime, do yourself a favor and check out the only diet that I will ever endorse. 

Be back soon!

~Cie~


Sunday, July 28, 2019

Come as you Are: J.O.B. to Poor but Free

Image by Grae Dickason from Pixabay

This poem describes very well how I felt about being in the Employee Mindset for nearly 40 years. The line "grey upon greyness" is particularly evocative.

That's exactly how I feel about the Life of an Employee working a J.O.B., which I did from the time I was 16 years old until this year when my disabilities knocked me out of the working life for good. (I'm 54 now and am working from home.)

There were some things about the jobs I did that I liked, but, overall, it was an extremely soul-destroying situation. I absolutely felt like I had to give up bits of myself all the time.

I certainly don't like living in poverty, which I am at this point. However, one thing is true which it never was when I was working a J.O.B. (stands for Just Over Broke). I am really and truly myself, not someone else's servant. On a soul level, that is tremendously freeing.

~Cie~

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Real Cie Reviews: Four Funny Potatoes


I hope that you will consider taking a look at my exclusive review for Four Funny Potatoes at the Online Book Club website. This book is appropriate for children ages three to seven. My review is mostly positive.
Disclaimer: I received a free ebook copy of this book for review purposes.

~Cie~

Thursday, June 13, 2019

Search Engine Landing Page Evaluator with isoftstone

Image copyright Pexels @ Pixabay

isoftstone has landing page evaluator positions available worldwide. These are work from home positions requiring between 10 and 25 hours per week availability. The current pay rate is $13 per hour.
I am currently in the testing phase for this position. So far I have learned that I would throw myself from the top of Mount Everest if I had to do this work for more than 10 hours per week, and I am still deciding if I would be able to do even that much. My mind really does not sync with this sort of work.
To do the job correctly, one has to intuit the intent of the hypothetical searcher and evaluate the validity of the given landing page to the searcher's intent. It sounds simple, but there are multiple criteria to consider. If you prefer crossword puzzles to Sudoku puzzles, you may not be a good fit for this position either.
I did very poorly on the pattern recognition portion of the old-school I.Q. test when I was twelve years old. For many years, I believed myself to be "borderline retarded," because those were the words I heard the school psychologist telling my parents. Combine this with the fact that I have some trouble with balance, and girls in the 1970's were all expected to emulate Nadia Comaneci in the gym, I believed that I must be severely deficient intellectually even though I had always tested well above my grade level when it came to reading comprehension and writing abilities. 
The "above my grade level" measure did not translate to math. I did fine with addition and subtraction but when we started learning multiplication in the third grade, I was screwed. My well-meaning chum who rarely thought things through was given my paper to grade on our first multiplication test. She always praised me for being very smart because she had a bit of trouble with reading and writing, and I helped her. Once the papers were scored, she held mine up, eyes wide with surprise, and said loudly: "You got an F!" 
My friend meant no harm, but I burst into tears. I have long felt that the letter grade system was harmful to kids who are having trouble in school. F stands for "Failure" and everyone knows that. It would be better to replace D and F with something such as "Incomplete" and rather than punishing kids who were struggling, work with them to determine what they need in order to understand the subject.
I got an F in basic college math many years later because I made the mistake of trying to take the course online. When I took the course in person, I got an A, because I had a very patient teacher who held my hand and led me through the Math Jungle.
I also learned many years after my diagnosis of "borderline retardation" that I have a degree of dyslexia, mostly with numbers, and I have ADD. I have trouble concentrating for long periods of time on things that don't really hold my interest, and I do terribly with projects that seem mathematical.
If you have a very mathematical and analytical mind, you might really enjoy the isoftstone position to increase your income. I'm going to have to decide within the next three days if I'm capable of doing it for even ten hours a week. At the moment, I have my doubts, because working on it for even an hour had me wanting to throw myself into an active volcano, and my accuracy rate is...well...I got an F.
Disclaimer: I am not an employee or affiliate of isoftstone. I receive no compensation for reviewing this position or for tossing in a piece of my life story.

Cie
(and her non-mathematical mind)

Saturday, June 8, 2019

Weekend Wrap-Up 8 June 2019

Image by Jason Goh from Pixabay

I am not quite sure what direction the Deliver Me blog is going in at this point. I paid for another year of hosting for the URL in any case.
I'm thinking that I'm probably going to move all the recipe and life hack type tips to the Good Stuff from Grover site and try and move Deliver Me back to being strictly for affiliate marketing, surveys, and things of that nature. 
The move to Grover really was something that came as a surprise, although I'm the one who suggested it. My son and I were trying to stay in Denver, but as I've written about on several occasions, Denver is unaffordable for the working class. My son was talking about moving to Arkansas because the housing there is much more affordable. I really didn't want to move to Arkansas, so I scoured the real estate sites and found the amazing Grover Hotel in the beautiful little podunk prairie town of Grover.
It's not that I don't want to make this move. I do. It's just that my life got turned on its head, and I am nothing if not resistant to change. I only make changes when I get dragged kicking and screaming. I am not self-assured or adventurous. I am not a risk-taker. This is a terrifying step. I learned long ago that the best-laid plans fail far more often than they succeed.
I also ended up feeling that I inadvertently made one person whom I actually had come to like mad at me, and another person whom I liked decided to make an unfunny joke at my expense. I didn't bounce back very well from these incidents and have been avoiding participating in blog hops and such. It's not like anyone will miss me, so, whatever.
So, the Deliver Me blog may land on its feet, or it may not, and I may rescue it, or I may not. I don't imagine it makes a great deal of difference in the grand scheme of things.

Thursday, May 30, 2019

FOAD Thursday: Yet More Fun With Spam


Spammers--they just never stop trying.
It may be tempting to click that you "confirm your request" to be removed from their mailing list. However, you actually do not want to do that. Doing so lets them know that your email address is active, and they will barrage you with even more garbage, or try to hack your email. 
Do not confirm the "request." Report it as Spam.
Also, anything that's this much of a cluster-fork is never legitimate.


Since I never requested to be on your "Adulte" mailing list, Jessica, I see no reason why I should be confirming my "request" to be deleted from it.
I had such a headache with my email account being hacked last week that I have even fewer kind thoughts for spammers now than ever, and I never had any kind thoughts for them.
Spammers are hoping for people to be gullible and desperate. Don't fall for their tricks.

~Cie~

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Ko-Fi Gold


Hi Delivered Ones!
Click the banner above to discover how Ko-Fi Gold can help you create a monthly subscription service for your supporters. If you become a Ko-Fi Gold member during the launch, your monthly fee is only $6 per month forever. It can't hurt to take a look, so click the banner now and join me as a Ko-Fi Gold Member!

~Cie~

Friday, May 24, 2019

Do NOT Give Information to "Survey" Sites


When you see advertisements for "paid survey sites" claiming you can make a given amount of money (often $300) for signing up, stay away. 
The first thing they ask for is your email address, and that's where the trouble begins.
You then receive a huge list of options to answer "yes" or "no" to. These can vary from "do you want to sign up with Survey Company X?" to "Do you have lower back pain" or "do you want to pre-arrange a funeral for your elderly parakeet?"
Some of the survey companies they suggest signing up with are legitimate. Here's the thing: anyone can create an account with a survey company and get a referral link. 
Whichever of the offers you answer "yes" to now has your email address, and this can lead to trouble down the road.
I've avoided these sketchy survey aggregators for many years, but I started taking paid surveys back in the early 2000s when I was also naive enough to pay for "top seekrit" survey lists. 
For the past few days, I have been receiving a crap-ton of phishing emails from addresses ending in rf-cheats.ru
Some of these emails initially appeared to have come from me.
I have changed my password four times in the past two days.
The things you do in the past can come back to haunt you years later.
Do NOT enter these survey aggregator sites.
You will not come away with $300.
You will come away with well more than $300 worth of aggravation.
If I achieve nothing else in this life, should I manage to steer people away from "survey" scams, I will feel like I've done something right.

~Cie~

Here are five tried and true legitimate GPT/Survey sites:

Please enter referral code R7RPQG and we'll both get points. Irazoo is my current favorite GPT site.